Thursday, December 27, 2007

Worst things to say

I did a search on depression online and I found a list of worst things to say to a depressed person which I totally agree. They might sound like advice to many of you. In fact MOST of my friends will give me such advices, especially the guys. Unfortunately, these words are not advice, the only make me feel worse. So if you are going to tell me something, please don't tell me those stuff in the list below. And please don't tell these stuff to YH or any other depressed people.

The list was long but I only pick out some which I think are really bad. I have heard most of these statements and it really suck when you are confiding with someone and someone tells you that. YX has said alot of the below lines to me and they made me very upset. haiz.... Think he can't be bothered now even to say the below lines.

1. "Will you stop that constant whining? What makes you think that anyone cares?"

2. "Have you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?"

3. "But it's all in your mind."

4. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps."

5. "Why don't you just grow up?"

6. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

7. "There are a lot of people worse off than you?"

8. "Happiness is a choice"

9. "You are what you think."

10. "You're always feeling sorry for yourself."

11. "Why can't you just be normal?"

12. "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

13. "Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!"

14. "You don't *look* depressed!"

15. "You're so selfish!"

16. "You never think of anyone but yourself."

17. "You're just looking for attention."

18. "The only one you're hurting is yourself."

19. "You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it."

20. "You can make the choice for depression and its effects, or against depression, it's all in YOUR hands."

21. "Snap out of it, will you?"

22. "You *want* to feel this way."

23. "You're always worried about *your* problems."

24. "Your problems aren't that big."

25. "Nobody is responsible for your depression."

26. "You don't like feeling that way? So, change it."

Depression is not a choice. I didn't CHOOSE to be depressed. I chose to be happy but I just can't feel it. Many people told me to change my state of mind and think positive. I tried that too but it's just lying to myself. The feeling is like.. Imagine I ask you to believe that the globe is a cube. You try hard to believe that but you know deep down that it's round.

It's that kind of feeling. I chose to be happy and I put in lots of efforts to be happy. I wasn't sitting on my depression waiting for it to heal itself. I have made attempts but it doesn't work.

"You never think of anyone but yourself."

Someone told me this too which is not true. I did think alot about other people too. In fact, I got to know another girl who is depressed too and I often listen to her talk and try to relate to her feelings. If I do not think of anyone else, I would have died long time ago.

Haiz.. everything sucks.


肉包子 said...

kekeke, no no no, u CHOOSED to be happy but u cant feel it?

that's probably becos u r "choosing" it the WRONG way.

(happy) is not something u can "declare", u r probably doing it too superficially.

for example i cant just "declare" that bricks are edible, after i bite, still pain pain - no use.

if u never eat a shit for 5 days, u can't declare that u r full either, u'll still be hungry.

so, u cant just "declare" that from now on, u r going to be happy. right? it doesn't work.

the method is too superficial.

to think that certain activities would make u happy n u go abt doing lots of them wont work either, it's also too superficial.

typical examples, ppl chong pubs, chong clubs, buy shoes, eat chocolate, yadayda n watever generally making merry, for most, it's just on the surface happy,

looks like happy, inside still hollow after the "material comfort effect" wears off.

木包子 said...

the way i look at it, depression is a form of realisation.

which, interesting, is a positive.

so, there's actually a positive face in any situation.

if u ride a bike n u ram into a rock (big one) n u fall, negative effect is that u hurt.

positive effect is that u LEARN that u r not going to do that again unless u enjoy getting hurt.

so, u realised the limitations of what life can offer u, the limitations of what u can do.

but u have not (resolved) it yet, now is the difficult part, i am pretty sure the rewards u'll get after u get past this 关卡 would be really valuable.

maybe can level up after u find the resolution.

when i play game, i love level ups, in life i love level ups too.

肉包子过街,自身难保 said...

i cant tell u what to do, but i can share with u what i did n what i think is not the way(superficial methods).

basically, i took some time to sort out my values in life.

i cant say this alone is going to bring "happiness", but i think personal reflection is a very important step in life.

u talk abt dying hur? u want to die when u don't even understand yourself properly?

it's like u didn't even manage to get past the abc's in english n then u say u wanna quit learning english.

haha, what a joke.

if u do not even understand yourself PROPERLY, dun talk abt the meaning of life.

undertanding yourself is like

meaning of life is like
369 x 23 x 2048 x C x K

so do u think if u cant do simple addition, u can do multiplication?

shanice said...

hi 包子s...

i think it's nothing about choosing the right or wrong way.. having a positive or negative outlook.. it may play a role in depression, but not a key one i would say

the main cause of depression is disorder in the structure of the brains.. the balance of chemicals, the neurotransmitters.. and/or hormonal changes

a person suffering from depression does not choose to be sad.. it's these chemicals sending him or her the signals.. he or she does not have a choice

"if u do not even understand yourself PROPERLY, dun talk abt the meaning of life."

this is pretty harsh huh.. even if i understand myself perfectly well.. what can i do if the there is an imbalance in the chemicals in my brain? it's not as if i ask the chemicals to decrease the production so i will feel sad right?

and.. what can i do if there are hormonal changes within my body? similarly, i can't stop these changes by changing my outlook of life right?

not to offence.. just my 2 cents worth

Miko said...

hello, bao zis and shanice, thanks for all that.

铁包 said...

i simply disagree with your defination of what causes depression.

from my amteurish understanding of clinical depression,

typically, excluding alternative methods, depression is treated via psychotherapy & antidepressants(n various other midications),

if depression is a purely biological issue (neurotransmitters.. and/or hormonal changes) like you said.

then, doctors that adminster psychotherapy on top of medication is just making a fool of themselves.

for, why do something that's pointless n redundant?

so why psychotherapy with medication?

the medication addresses the biological issues.

the psychotherapy addresses the psychological issues.

therefore i conclude, depression is a multi facet issue n not a single facet one.

medication alone cannot 'cure' depression.

to say that the psychological well being cannot be improved becos the biological component is in trouble is a lame lame block mentality.

it's like giving an excuse for not being able to complete a task during work compentently by saying it is becos u were hungry.

it is a very lame mental block.

maybe if my toe pain i cannot walk very fast, but i will not tell u i CANNOT walk becos my toe is pain.

toe n walk is inter related, but walking is not entirely dependent on toe.

Anonymous said...

Hi,left an message to you the other time.
Just want to check with you as i think i am also having the same problem.
1. will you easy to get agitated and sad
2. no appetite to eat
3. unable to sleep or have a peaceful sleep
4. keep thinking that your close one especially your belover does not give you enough love and security
5. feel like dying
6. no aim or target to do any things
7. feel very hopeless if you can't do anything well

Miko said...

anonymous: Yes, I am feeling all the things that you are feeling too. I am trying very hard to focus on other things now which i very difficult. Life gets so hard to move on..