Xmas Eve.

I went to Jun Hua's house for Xmas eve celebration. As YX doesn't care about me anymore, I will celebrate this special occassion with my good friends.

Jun Hua sms me the location of his house an how to get there but apparently, his directions were badly described and I missed the bus stop totally. So in the end I have to meet James at AMK and we go down to JH's house together.

JH and his gf were playing a board game and we joined in. I was usually bad at board games but I won! hahah.. I won lor! Surprisingly.

Later Entaro and Lock arrived too and we prepared the table...

The table full of gifts and food. Yummy. The satay was nice. Jun hua very smart. I first time see people cook satay in those toaster one..

I take photos then these 2 also wanna take photos.. Entaro and Junhua climbed onto the chairs to take a top view of the table.

I also took a picture of the top view.

Later one we watched 2 movies. Abit silly leh, we watched 'lu ding ji' by Stephen Chow first. It's a very very stupid show which Entaro brought. Though it's stupid, it's still quite funny.

Then we watched a vampire show. Those old vampire show made in HK.. you know.. by lin zheng ying one. Very cheesy lor those jokes but they reminded me the good old times when I enjoyed those show when I was young.

Looks like we are all a bunch of people who miss our good old days.. but I almost fell asleep watching.

Think we watched till 1+am and left.

I remember that last year, we spent xmas eve in Junhua's house too. That time I was slightly less depressed. I think YX has made me more depressed.

I am Lock

One morning when I arrive at the office, I saw on my monitor...

I am so sorry to say that Lock doesn't look like this. He isn't as cool as cloud, isn't as handsome as cloud.. :P

oops.. Lock, please don't think too much la..

Steamboat at Eunos

I went to eat steamboat with my cousin and Aunt last week. My aunt insisted to treat YX for lunch tho I told her no need too because YX has been such an a** to me. Haiz.. but she insisted so she treated both yx and du.

Later in the evening, we went to eat steamboat.

My cousin, Zhen Yin. I didn't know that she is a vege lover too!

My aunt~
This Eunos steamboat shop is very ulu so there are not many people there. However, there is a surprisingly great variety of food. It was a buffet, about $12 I think. There were many choices of veges.. some which I never seen in steamboat restaurant before. I think it's quite worth it to eat here ba...

My cousin ask me to blog about this egg which fell onto the floor but the egg yolk was intact! she thought that it's amazing. Well.. it's quite amazing lor.

That day I was quite depressed. I think I am depressed everyday lah so it doesn't make a diff.

My bf sucks

Well.. I think my bf sucks. Among my countless number of bf, I think this current one sucks most. I have known guys from a few countries but the lousiest one is this TW one. The best one is the French guy I knew some time ago. Awww.. he was nice.

This TW man just got very very lousy memory, can't remember a thing he said to me before and his atittude is very bad.

Ah well.. it's a lesson learnt. Treat it as a painful lesson. Nothing I can do.. Fuck up man.

My dream

An example of what kind of dreams I am having every night.

I dreamt that I have got a friend, let's call her 'A', and we were together in a place with some other people. I think it's a resort or something. A place for people to gather to have fun.

I thought A was a nice person so we became good friends then one day, A started killing everyone off in brutal ways. She will either shoot them or chop them up. One by one she killed off our common friends. She will then pretend to be nice to those who are still alive. I happen to know about her secret of killing off our friends and I asked her if she will kill me too. She paused for awhile and said,"maybe".

I still kept the secret for her until she finally killed everyone off and another group of people came into the resort. We don't know this group of people. She pretend to try to make friends with them and then kill them off.

Sick dream right... Too bad the dream has got no ending.

Worst things to say

I did a search on depression online and I found a list of worst things to say to a depressed person which I totally agree. They might sound like advice to many of you. In fact MOST of my friends will give me such advices, especially the guys. Unfortunately, these words are not advice, the only make me feel worse. So if you are going to tell me something, please don't tell me those stuff in the list below. And please don't tell these stuff to YH or any other depressed people.

The list was long but I only pick out some which I think are really bad. I have heard most of these statements and it really suck when you are confiding with someone and someone tells you that. YX has said alot of the below lines to me and they made me very upset. haiz.... Think he can't be bothered now even to say the below lines.

1. "Will you stop that constant whining? What makes you think that anyone cares?"

2. "Have you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?"

3. "But it's all in your mind."

4. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps."

5. "Why don't you just grow up?"

6. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

7. "There are a lot of people worse off than you?"

8. "Happiness is a choice"

9. "You are what you think."

10. "You're always feeling sorry for yourself."

11. "Why can't you just be normal?"

12. "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

13. "Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!"

14. "You don't *look* depressed!"

15. "You're so selfish!"

16. "You never think of anyone but yourself."

17. "You're just looking for attention."

18. "The only one you're hurting is yourself."

19. "You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it."

20. "You can make the choice for depression and its effects, or against depression, it's all in YOUR hands."

21. "Snap out of it, will you?"

22. "You *want* to feel this way."

23. "You're always worried about *your* problems."

24. "Your problems aren't that big."

25. "Nobody is responsible for your depression."

26. "You don't like feeling that way? So, change it."

Depression is not a choice. I didn't CHOOSE to be depressed. I chose to be happy but I just can't feel it. Many people told me to change my state of mind and think positive. I tried that too but it's just lying to myself. The feeling is like.. Imagine I ask you to believe that the globe is a cube. You try hard to believe that but you know deep down that it's round.

It's that kind of feeling. I chose to be happy and I put in lots of efforts to be happy. I wasn't sitting on my depression waiting for it to heal itself. I have made attempts but it doesn't work.

"You never think of anyone but yourself."

Someone told me this too which is not true. I did think alot about other people too. In fact, I got to know another girl who is depressed too and I often listen to her talk and try to relate to her feelings. If I do not think of anyone else, I would have died long time ago.

Haiz.. everything sucks.

Depressed Again

Actually it's not depressed again cuz depression never left me. Many many many people told me that just change the state of my mind and I will be fine. Just stop thinking about myself and think about others and I will be fine. You are not depressed, you just need to change your atittude.

The list can go on and on.

I know that these people probably tell me all these because they want to help me.. or perhaps they want me to die faster. I don't know but it's all NOT WORKING.

I tried very very very hard to maintain my bubbly self in front of people. I put on a smile, I tell jokes, I talk crap, act crap to make people laugh but it's getting harder and harder.

I don't know when did all these depressing issues start from but i know that I have been depressed on and off for the past maybe about 8 years. It's a wave like thing. For example, I will be depressed for 3-4 months and be ok for 3-4 months. Sometimes I can be depressed for a year and be ok for a year too. I don't know why it's like this and it's making me very tired.

At first, my blue days were manageable. I can still pretend easily that I am ok though I am actually upset. Slowly, I can still recover from it myself by diverting thoughts and change my mind abit.

I will be ok for some time then some unhappy stuff will trigger me again. It got harder to recover, I will start crying for no apparent reason just because I am sian and just because I feel very lonely. However, I can still pull myself out of this by doing some stuff which I like.. for example, watching opera or acting opera.

Then it got worse and worse. I think the worse one is the one I am having now.

It's bugging me and bugging me like an evil spirit. I tried everything and anything that I think will help me. I tried to be happy. I did things I like, I bought things I want so much like digi cam, PSP, PS2, lots of games, hair pieces, costumes and even going for a tour.

I tell myself,"I am happy now because I got a PSP."

I tried to concentrate on that tiny happinest I felt when I bought my PSP. I focused on it, I tried to remember it, I hang on it like hanging on a cliff. Then this little happiness whither away and I fall again. I fall again into deeper depression. It's like that everytime when I make an effort to be happy.

Sometimes, I tell myself,"Ok, maybe I should go for a tour. I will be happy."

Unfortunately, that doesn't work too. The evil spirit will tell me,"So what if you are in another country now. You are still a pathetic, hopeless loser."

I know you will probably say ignore that voice but I can't. I tried. I tried to concentrate on something else like working. People says that depressed people can work their ass off and forget their depression. That is so wrong because I will still be suddenly triggered by something and start crying.

Crying. I can tell Amai, I am a bigger cry baby than her. Definitely. Just that I never admitted it, I never tell anyone much about it cuz it made me a bigger loser.

I can cry anywhere. While walking home, I suddenly listen to a sad song in my mp3 and I will cry all the way walking home, drying my tears before going into my house. I don't want my family to see me crying.

I can cry when I am in the office. Then I will have to hide in the toilet. I will hide in a cubicle and try to cry softly. Sometimes, I cry at my desk, I don't know if my colleagues noticed.

I can also cry during rehearsals. I will be in a daze... no one talking to me, I am just staring at blank space. Then I will feel the tears welling up. At this time I will quickly walk away to somewhere isolated and cry for awhile.

Of cuz the best crying place will be my room. Countless nights were spent crying. Often, I cry up to 3 hours thinking about unhappy thoughts. I tried to divert my mind by play games or reading comics but then I can't concentrate. Sadness will still overwhelm me.

I can cry in cinemas. I watched movies alone and I will cry if something triggered me in the movie.

Almost EVERY SINGLE day I cry. Nobody knows that because I am always hiding it. I wonder why I am still not blind yet from all that crying but it has definitely made my eyes painful.

I often go to work with swollen eyes. I tried to hide it by not talking to anyone and keep on staring at my monitor.

I hate to be alone reason being I will defnitely cry if I am alone. It's a definite. I have never tried being alone and not crying before.

It has been like this for about 6 months. Not a very long time but not very short. Everyday is a slow day. Everyday spent is a torture to me.

Amai mentioned suicidal thoughts before. I often mention about dying in my blog too and I meant it. I am not afraid to die. In fact, almost every night before I sleep, I will wish that I won't wake up the next morning. How saddening I felt when I still wake up the next day. I will start my day off feeling upset cuz I didn't die in my sleep.

Why didn't I attempt to kill myself?

Cuz my mum told me not to. I told her that if time can reverse, I wish that she never gave birth to me. YH told me her birth was a mistake. Mine too. I told my mum I hope that I will get killed in Iran. My mum told me not to die cuz I am the only hope in the family.

It made me very upset again cuz even dying is not possible now. For my family I have to live. I have to continue to live my sad life.

I have the courage to die. I am not afraid.

As I tried to drag myself through each day, I tried to find the meaning of my life. I searched but I can't find anything. I don't hope to be millionaire, career woman, famous actress etc. I have no goals.

Feeling upset everyday has been giving me headaches recently. I have also lost weight, loss appetite and pimples continue to pop on my face. So I am now depressed and ugly. I hate to look at myself in the mirror cuz I am so ugly.

Inability to feel happiness. They term it as inability to feel happiness.

I have been so helpless and hopeless that I finally see a doctor. I told him I want sleeping pills. Sleeping gives me nightmares. Seriously, I have more nightmares nowadays than the normal dreams. I will dream of things that upset me. I know that by taking sleeping pills, I may have dreamless sleep.

The doctor didn't give me the pills. He asked questions instead. He looked at me and ask if something is bothering me. I said no. He looked at my arms and asked me if someone abused me. I said no. He continued to ask questions like that and they triggered me to be upset but I tried to hold back tears. He said that he can see the tears already. Finally, he prescribed relaxants to me and refer me to a phsychiatrist in SGH.

At the phsychiatrist place, I did tests and the doctor asked me many questions too. She said that I have got severe depression and she is going to prescribe me anti-depressants. I told her I don't want it cuz I will cure myself. I just need sleeping pills. She told me that if I have been in and out of depression for 8 years, she don't see how I can recover myself now. Depression will only get worse with time.

She again wrote a referral letter to refer me to the senior phsychiatrist of SGH 2 weeks later.

When I paid the bills, it totaled to be about $100. I know that the senior phsychiatrist will be abit more expensive so I didn't go back to SGH. I didn't eat the anti-depressants too cuz they are not going to work unless I continously go back SGH for progress diagnose.

So here I am, feeling like shit. I should die but I can't. I am stuck here. Waking up every morning feeling sad.

I miss the happy days 8 years ago when little things can make me happy. Now, no matter who do wat or wat I do, I have no feelings towards it.

One day if I never blog for a very long time, it probably means that I am dead.

Thanks for your continous support to my blog. I appreciated.

Are you dead?

Since Amai said that I am being inactive recently, I guess I should be abit more active la. If not people think that I am dead already.

A few days ago, I was sleeping, as per normal, during lunch. I wasn't in a deep sleep, just resting when Lock came over. He saw me sleeping and decided to give me a note.


I heard some noises so I look up and Lock was caught red-handed trying to stick this note on my keyboard.

As you can see, he wrote on the note,"Are you dead?" and drew this very ugly version of me lying on the table. I can't make out what the drawing was at first because his drawing was so lousy. I thought it was a mickey mouse.... -_-"

Another episode of my silly friends doing silly things.

Food Tasting

Last week, a colleague invited me and Lock to go to Chijmes for food tasting for our DND. So good, got free food to eat.

It was a chinese style dinner. Actually it's exactly the same as a wedding dinner! I never heard of DND having chinese style sit down dinner before. Normally it's buffet style.

Anyway, Lock is a shameless greedy pig (he himself admitted he is shameless and greedy) so he went with us.

We had the food tasting in the main hall of Chijmes. I love the ambience there. So classic and romantic. It will be a perfect place for wedding dinners. But this ambience comes with a high price of about $900++ to $1000++ per table and the food was so so only.


The beautiful hall in Chijmes.

BTW, we are not having the dinner at this hall on the actual day because we only having 11 tables. Too little.

The food was ok only. I hate the noodle and dessert tho. Dessert was red bean paste. I hate red bean paste. The others also didn't like it so we decided to change it mang pudding. The noodle will be changed to lotus leaf rice.

The food portion was not very big. It was much smaller, in fact, compared to a wedding dinner I just had not long ago. They charge more but they give less for the location.

Too bad I can't invite YX to this dinner cuz he got performance at GCB. Anyway I got myself another partner already. hee hee.

Li Yu Gang

Amai got blog about Li Yu Gang before, the guy who impersonate women for a job.

I w as surfing about 'Gui fei zui jiu' recently because I suddenly want to learn to do this show and I came across this MV of Li Yu Gang. It's his new song named, Xin Gui Fei Zui Jiu. I like the song very much. The melody is very nice and the part where he sang in a dan's voice is also very nice.

Take a look here. He is a pretty dan. The song sounds like 2 persons are singing but it's actually just him alone.

Unfortunately, he didn't release an album of this song and KTV don't have this song too.. haiz.


Nice song!Li Yu Gang's photo as a man.
Li Yu Gang as a woman.

I must admit that he did his dan quite well. His movements were rather smooth and he carries off the gui fei feel quite well.

Farewell My Concubine

I don't know if you have seen this film before but this is one of the BEST film I have ever ever seen in my life. The story is so nice, so touching!

Of course it will help if you have a little background understanding of China's history then you will understand it better.

This movie is a tragedy telling the life story of 2 pekin opera actors, how they met and how they suffered during the hardest time in China. The most prominent role should be Cheng Die Yi. That's the male lead.. or should I say the female lead? Hee hee..

This role was done by Leslie Cheung. He did a wonderful job cuz I think this role is very very very hard to act out. There are so many things he need to look out for especially those emotional parts. Also, I think he did the opera parts very well. Though the singing was dubbed, he did the movements himself. It was said that the director asked him if he want to have a real pekin actress double him during those opera parts, he said no, he wantd to try it himself and he did a wonderful job.

This film is rather long and you have to be focused when you watch it to catch the real emotions of the actors.

Best movie.

Here are some interviews of the main casts.

Part 1: Actors describing how they acted out the roles



Part 2: Same as above, but Leslie described his pekin opera parts. Just look at him! he looked so natural and so 'jiao mei'! My god. Even in my troupe few dans can do that kind of 'feel'. (sorry to say that lah)



Part 3: Some clips from the movie.



Leslie is such a pretty dan! Don't you think so? Actually men has a certain charm when they act as dans. There is this 柔中帶剛 feel. Especially the singing. It is less shrill with a mellow touch. I must declare that only CERTAIN outstanding male dans can deliver such feel. Some male dans... can't make it. Sorry to say that also.

I can only say... Leslie is such a good actor. It's a pity to lose such a good actor like him... haiz...

If you haven't seen this movie, you should see it. And be touched by it.

The below clip is Leslie practicing pekin opera. As I said, the voice is not his, it's dubbed but the movements were pretty well done. Btw, he did my fav MDT in this movie too.. :)



Got 'feel'..

Jiang Cheng Zi

I bet most of you must have heard of Su Shi aka Su Dong Po before. Many of my friends made fun of his name calling him sotong ball.

I used to like one of his poems alot because it was so touching. He wrote this poem for his deceased wife.

Title: Jiang Cheng Zi.

十年生死兩茫茫
不思量　自難忘
千里孤墳　無處話淒涼
縱使相逢應不識
塵滿面　鬢如霜

夜來幽夢忽還鄉
小軒窗　正梳妝
相顧無言　惟有淚千行
料得年年腸斷處
明月夜　短松岡

I have got an english translation here just in case you need it:

Ten years now separating the living and the dead,
I do nothing to remember,
But I cannot forget.
Your lonely grave a thousand miles away ...
Nowhere can I talk of my sorrow --
Even if we meet again, you will not recognise me.
Now that my face has aged and my hair is like snow.

In the dark of night I suddenly dream that I am home
You are by the window combing your hair
We looked at each other unable to speak
Thousands of tears flowed
I must accept that every year I'll think of that heart breaking place,
Where the moon shines brightly in the night, and bare pines guard the tomb.

Touching? Do you like it? I like it very much, the way he described his thoughts for his dead wife and the description of his dream. I can imagine his sadness.

Lee Hom

Nothing to do, surf Youtube.

I came across this clip of lee hom showing his pitch perfect-ness. Is there anything that Leehom can't do?? My god. He is so pitch perfect, has he ever gone off tune before?

Wish I was like him... :(

May also wish to be like him right? hee hee....



He mixed and adjust the liquids in those glasses to the pitches he want. He must have good listening skills to do that.

Someone commented that he played 'Mary had a little Lamb' in C major.

Rebonded Hair

I don't know why the ends of my rebonded hair will curl. Is it my shampoo? or my hair mask??? Or maybe the chemicals the salon use wasn't strong/good enough?

-_-"

Abit sianz..

Fortunately it's still soft. If it curls at the ends and it's not soft anymore I will blow my top. I think I will do rebonding again next year Feb. For the sake of chinese new year.

Arggh.. I hate chinese new year! Everyone will ask about bf lah, marriage lah.. hate it. I think I will announce that I am a lesbian.

Good news!!!

The God#$%% pimples on my face are finally fading!! yay!! Hah! After so long they finally gave up and decided to fade away. Now I got to deal with the scars. Sianz, the scars are very hard to get rid.

Don't ask for too much, at least there are no more pimples now.

Dynasty KTV

Been feeling low again these few days so never update my blog. Haiz.. no mood to write and nothing to write.

Recently, there were quite a few visitors in my blog whom I don't know. I think I better watch my tongue and don't write too much crap. Skali they are spies, to spy if I got scold the government or not.. or something like that. I am so used to thrashing out everything in blog scolding anything and everything I want, it's going to be hard.

Haiz, sian.

Last Sat, I went to meet Lock to go KTV with him, Sumi and my mum. Lock was supposed to pick us up at Wisma but apparently someone casted darkness on him and he didn't have any eyedrops so he keep missing the turns and lost his way. In the end he stopped below a big tree near Wheelock place and I had to walk over with my mum and my kik kok heels.

Then we picked up Sumi and we all went for ice-cream at Island Creamery. The ice-cream was recommended by Lock. He told me they were special because there were lots of local flavours like Nutella, Chendol, apple pie, Horlicks etc. And the weirdest flavour was Tiger Beer! Just imagine Tiger Beer ice-cream. I tried that and it was actually not bad lor. It's not bitter as I expected. Quite sweet.

After ice-cream, we went to Dynasty KTV. Sounds sleazy..

But that was one of the better KTVs I went to.

The room was big with 3 TVs side by side. The one in the middle is for you to pick your songs, the one on the left was for your KTV and the one on the right for you to surf net!

You can also adjust the temperature of the aircon in the room so it's not too cold unlike most KTVs which were freezing cold. I switched off the air-con as the room was very cold when I went in.

Surprisingly, that KTV has got the latest songs. Not bad, at least they update their database. I managed to sing Jay's latest song, 'Cowboy very busy'.

The rooms there were fully booked so if you wanna go there, you have to book in advance. I can see why they are popular.. They are cheap! $58 per room so you just divide among yourselves. BTW, they only open on weekends. Each of us paid $14.50 on a Sat night. That's quite cheap.

We sang until 2:45am before calling it a day. Tired like hell. We planned to watch vcd after ktv but we were too dead by then.. All fell asleep.. zzzzz...

That's about all, a very normal entry, with not vulgar language. hahaha..

Lee Hom Vs Jay

Lee hom and Jay again?! you might think.

Hee hee.. I found a clip online of Jay and Lee hom talking about what they think of each other. As you know (or probably you dont know) , Leehom and Jay both like to write 'zhong guo feng' songs so it's interesting to hear what they gotta say about each other.

They also sang each other's song in the clip. Who sing better? Both sang well I think!

Jay and Leehom forever!

Tonberry

My good friend is Mr Tonberry.

He is my good friend because he is cute. I know what you guys are thinking ok. You guys think Tonberry is not cute because it's a lizard, got no hair and his eyes are yellow.

Tonberry has been very faithful to me. Through all the ups and downs in life, he has never left me. Always there watching what I do quietly. Actually I got other friends also sit there watching me for a long time. They are all my good friends. They won't be ungrateful and leave me when they think they have seen me enough. Sometimes I wish that Tonberry can talk to me.

I brought Tonberry to the office one day and Lock decided to use an amulet on him!

I bet that Lock must be guilty of some sins he did last time. He is afraid that tonberry will 'Karma' him. Karma is a skill that Tonberry has. It will add up all the sins you did in the past and return it all to you taking away your life.


Tonberry with the amulet on his forehead. It's no use lor, Lock. He is a monster leh, not a chinese vampire.

No use lor, Tonberry will be back. He will still cast 'karma' on all those who irritates him.

Tonberry is my good friend.

PSP SLIM!!!!!

It's PSP SLIM!! I finally got it after kping so long that I need PSP slim in my life. My lonely life needs to spice up abit.

I will be no longer lonely now because I bought PSP~

You cannot trust men, cannot trust friends but you can trust PSP to be with you when you need it most. It will be your best friend providing with all the entertainment you need.

Now I can dump yx already. I don't need him anymore because he sucks and PSP rocks!

Look at the range of colours available.. Guess which colour I bought?

P-I-N-K

It's pink of course.

Pink is just so sweet....

What PSP can do:

-play games of course
-play movies
-play mp3
-surf net
-display photos

Cost: $384 including 4gb memory stick.

I put in some MTVs of Jay Chou already and some Southpark cartoons so that I can watch in the MRT.

When I got time I want to put in some more movies to watch but that will take me some time.

YX is really stupid lor, I can't stand him. He promised to give me psp like 6 months ago but he never did it. Always give me some excuses to why he didn't bring his psp. I got so fed up with him I bought my own.

When I gotta dump him, I gotta dump him.

Hahaha that reminded me, Ang told me yesterday that I got such good 'tiao jian' that I won't have a problem getting men.

My god.. never expected ang to say that but I felt flattered.. :P

Do we look alike?

Ever since I started learning GZX, many people have told me that Amai and me look alike. Do we??

Yesterday I was surfing the blogs and was looking at the photos MX put up on her blog as palace maid. My mum was looking too and told me that this person look like me. I told her that's MX. She said, you 2 look so alike, especially the eyes!

Look alike meh?

There was another time when I was also looking at some photos Amai posted. She was wear opera make up but wearing a normal t-shirt. My mum also looked at that photo.

She asked me: I don't remember you got that t-shirt.
I replied: Well, cuz that's not me.

-_-"

Fainted.

However, I do agree that we did look alike in some areas when we are not in make up.. but I don't think we look alike with make up leh.

I bet Amai also heard similiar comments that we look alike too..

Resolution

I have got a resolution. My resolution is very very simple....

I WANT TO BECOME PRETTIER~!

Hee hee..

I have made up my mind that I will stop buying expensive opera stuff (with exception of when I go GZ next year). I will have to stop buying hair pieces and stuff like that. Then I will focus on treating my pimples, using my bonus to do laser surgery if I need to. I will see a dermatologist to treat the scars and the god damn blood sucking f**ked up pimples.

Besides that I will continue to focus on making my hair healthier and that includes buying better hair products.

Yah, so I am resolute of doing so. Investing my money on opera stuff can make me look pretty on stage but... the ultimate goal in life is too look pretty offstage! That is very important you know? More important than looking good on stage.

Being pretty off stage entitled me of lots of benefits... like getting free dinners.. movies.. presents.. flowers.. etc.. hahahah so materialistic right? But who cares?

I mean men are fickle minded. They will only be nice to you for a short while after that they will change target. So the moral of the story is.. don't need to give men face.

Ok... so I resolute to become prettier~ :)

Newly rebonded hair

There isn't much meaning with this post as I just wanna show off my newly rebonded hair. My hair is now smooth like silk, light as feather and soft like cotton.

Heh heh~

I think my hair can now do advertisment for shampoo!



I love the new rebonded hair though it is not so straight after I shampoo it but it still looks good anyway! The stylist said that the result of my rebonding is very good because my hair is virgin hair~ Never been coloured, permed or whatsoever before. (Actually I did but that was a long time ago) She was the 3rd stylist that commented I have taken good care of my hair. She told me that it is hard to maintain good hair quality at my length and I must have spent alot of time.

Well, I am very fussy when it comes to my hair. Though it is still not in super tip top quality, it is still in a pretty good condition

Firstly, I don't colour or perm them often. I think I only dyed my hair twice in my whole life and curl it once before.

Secondly, I NEVER blow dry my hair~ I always wait for them to dry by themselves.

Thirdly, NEVER EVER comb your hair when it's wet because your hair will break and you will lose hair (May and YH, please follow this rule so you can stop kping that you all have got thin hair).

Fourthly, NEVER EVER start combing from your scalp. Always start brushing your hair at the ends to remove tangles then slowly work your way up. (May and YH follow this rule too) This is to also prevent hair lost.

Fifthly, bend over your body and let your hair down in front of you and start brushing from your neck to you hair tips. (Saw this tip online. I don't know what's the purpose but I follow anyway)

Sixthly, ALWAYS condition your hair after shampooing.

Seventhly, ALWAYS do hair mask once per week.

Eightly, dont scratch your scalp with so much force when you shampoo. (May should follow this)

I think that's about all. I am so nice lor.. hahaha...

May and YH always kp that they got thin hair. I told May that she is washing her hair with far too much strength! She always scratch her scalp as if she got a super mega itchy scalp. She told me that she enjoy going to the salon and let those people scratch her scalp with their nails. My god, that is so harsh for our poor hair. I told her to use the flesh part of our fingers to shampoo but she can't do it because it's not shiok enough.

Also, she likes to force her comb through all those tangles in her hair. She comb her hair when it's wet and 'da da li' push her comb through the tangles. You should use your fingers to detangle them then comb. She hasn't got much patience apparently.

Well, then there is a very good reason why you have got thin hair.

Men with Long Hair

From a young age, I have always got this soft spot for guys with long hair. Hahaha. I didn't realise it until one day a friend pointed it out to me that most of the guys which I think are handsome have got long hair.

So yah, I found out that I got this weird fetish.

May will probably hate all men with long hair because they look like gays or too girlish. She prefer hunky men who look like gangsters.

I thought I might feature some men which has got long hair in the blog but I changed my mind to feature game CHARACTERS instead. I think game characters are so much cooler. I simply went gaga over these characters when I was playing the game.

The first game I played was FF7 when I was 17. I was so captivated by the bad guy in this game, Sephiroth. How can squaresoft make such a handsome bad guy! It made it so hard for me to kill him at the end of the game.. sad..

Sephiroth...Click on it, you can see the details of his face. Very good graphics.

Isn't he so mega cool???? Haiz.. too bad he is a bad guy. I have to kill him.

In FF7, the main character Cloud looked like a kid so I don't really feel anything special about him.

Square decided to remake FF7 into a movie and improve the looks of Cloud, making him as mega handsome as Sephiroth.. my god..

Now I can't decide who I prefer.. Cloud or Sephiroth.

Another photo.. oops.. I mean picture of Cloud. This picture is so mega real you will think it's a photo.
YOU MUST CLICK ON THIS PICTURE!! YOU MUST CLICK BECAUSE IT WILL LOOK SO MEGA REAL!

Cool.. too cool.

Maybe I will post a movie clip of this movie. I got the VCD leh..


Another long hair guy from the FF7 movie, Vincent Valentine. Aww.. he is so mysterious.

Vincent is a shooter, he uses guns. Cloud is a slayer, he uses big blades. Sephiroth uses long swords.

In FF8, my favourite character was Laguna Loire. He is another long hair dude.

There are not many pictures of him online because he was not a major character in the game.


Laguna on the left and the main character, Squall leonhart on the right. I like Laguna so much that I even got a figurine of him at home.. :P

Among all the characters which one do you prefer? heehee, I think I should post something about the girls in the games. The girls are pretty cute too! But please don't drool on you keyboard.

Links

Due to some feedbacks, I wanted to put back my opera blog link here but I accidentally deleted all the links I had while doing it. Opps.

I haven't been myself lately. I think I am going nuts.

So anybody who is willing to let me link to, please comment me and paste your web address there ok?

Butterflyman hoax

Yep, it has been confirmed after some research and posting the photos in the crypto forums that the butterfly man is a hoax. Here is a quote from one of the crypto members.

"It's suppose to be a Mummified Fairy, but its already proven a hoax. The body is old and decrepit, but the hair still looks new. The way the wings are attached to the back would not work for flight. It's a good Hoax attempt, though. "

So you see, no cryptids has been caught and verified yet.

Some updates, recently few Japanese managed to film a giant squid in action with a waterproof videocam. Think they used a submarine or something. It was the first video ever released on LIVING giant sqiuds. The squid got stuck with one of the traps on the submarine and it finally got away breaking one of its tentacles.

Lots of photos of giant squids are available on the net if you bother to google it.

Bday KTV

It was YH 's bday on 21Nov so we went to Xin Ge Cheng to celebrate for her. May got this silly idea to give YH a surprise. She will bring YH to KTV while we station there with a cake. Erm, anyway YH was not very surprised.

YH with her mango cake. I don't know what Bala is doing behind.

Ang is back finally but we are not having any performance soon. Aiyoh, why Yuzhen look so sian?? And where is Bala?

As we can see, there are not many people there. Apparently, they don't give YH face lor.

Ah May very action-packed. She sing song also very drama as if she got a thousand audience. She say she got 'tai feng' and her 'gan qing' very good lor.. -_-"

Sudden Urge

I got this sudden urge to write alot of blog entries. I don't know why I am feeling this way. I want to tell alot of stories, write about all those craps that happened in my life and those stuff that I am interested in.

Is that a good thing or bad thing?

If you like to read my blog, then it's a good thing..

If you don't like to read my blog, then you shouldn't be reading this because you can't be bothered to come here..

So apparently if you are reading this, you like my blog.

So it's a good thing.

Hahaha..

I wonder if I will ever run out of nonsense to write.

But if I run out of nonsense one day, I will shut down my blog.

Cryptid - Butterflyman

I don't know if you are an avid reader of my blog but if you are, you might have read the entry some time ago about my interest in Crytozoology, the science of hidden animals.

I have a wide range of interest (yah and I still feel bored) and they are not really inter-related. Weird right?

Ok, back to the topic, my friend forwarded me an email on Butterflyman. They look like a hoax to me. If it's a hoax then it should be a very well made sculpture. I have seen lots of such pictures and they always turn out to be a hoax.




Looks real huh?



I am trying to some research on it to know if it's a fake. I am almost certain that it's fake.

Ekin

For years and years and years, Ekin Cheng was my idol. Since I was 14 years old, I idolised him like mad and collected everything I can find about Ekin. Hehe.. What a lovely childhood I had~ :P

I joined his fanclub, did crazy things etc.. There was once I STOOD for 7 hours in Tower Records just to get his autograph and take photos. We were not allowed to sit because there wasn't enough space. So I have to stand all the way. I remember that he has hair extensions that time because he was still filming 'Feng Yun'. So he got this cut piggy tail behind his back.

I think my collection of Ekin Cheng's stuff will scare the wits out of all of you. It's crazier than Amai's collection for Farenheit, crazier than YP's collection of SHE. I am very sure because the collection was done over a span of 7 years! I stopped collecting because they are taking up far too much space and my mum is constantly kping about all those stuff. I still can't bear to throw them away tho cuz I took so MUCH so MUCH efforts to collect them..

I will do another entry on those collections. Now I will just show off some ekin's photos which I took.
The fanclub had this secret event to invit Ekin for chicken rice at Boon Tong Kee in Balestier. Only club members were invited and the public didn't know. If not there will be a super big crowd there.

Ekin love chicken rice and laksa. He always go to these stalls secretly when he was in Singapore.

He is a very friendly and nice person, not snobbish at all. I know all those talks about his relationships but that's his business and changing gf is not such a big deal. They are not married what. I have changed dozens of bf, many more than him, but you are still reading my blog right? hahaha.

That's him, that's him! He is cute, ain't he? Awww...

Ekin is the only person that both me and May felt that is handsome. Normally our tastes clash because she is interested in older, uncle-ish, lao da, gangster kind of men and I am more interested in those trendy, hip kind.. She like Ekin because he acted as lao da in gu wak zai.
Tell you the truth, I was a star chaser when I was young. I went after quite a few singers but none of them got the charm like Ekin. They were all friendly and nice to fans but Ekin was different. He doesn't try to keep fans at arm's length. I have seen Daniel Chan, Ronald Cheng, Alex To, Aaron Kwok.. etc.. just for fun.. I went to attend their autograph sessions but I only joined 1 fanclub, Ekin's one.

Ekin was quite 'qin qie'. At the Boon Tong Kee event, he started giving out exclusive posters to us and of course we will ask for autographs. We queued up (we were obedient fans) for it and when it was my turn, I asked for him to sign with the silver pen cuz the poster is black.

He told me,"I think it's nicer to sign with the black pen here." He pointed to the silver camera he was holding in the poster, "don't you think so?"

He chuckled and I said,"yea, sign on the camera then~ Thanks!"

He will try to strike some sort of conversation with his fans unlike other singers who will probably just sign blindly using a black pen on a black poster.

He ask another fan,"So long didn't see you, you weren't here the last time I came.." Seems like he remembered everyone. My brother was there too and he remembered my bro clearly too because he was tall and he is the only few guys in the club.

Those were the days~~ Missed those happy days~

Beijing 2004

I went to Beijing in 2004 (I think..) and it was a truly unforgettable experience. I really enjoyed myself there!

I was very excited that time when my friend suggested that we can go to Beijing. I have been hoping to go there because I was so crazy over opera at that time. I can finally see the home of chinese opera. Unfortunately, there wasn't any major performance going on when I was there so I watched a 'for tourist' performance which consisted of 3 excerpts, Qiu Jiang, Ling Bo Xian zi and another one, I cannot remember. This performance was catered for tourists but still their performance was good. The ticket was ex. I remember it was $30(SGD). That is considered expensive in China.

Of course I did not miss out going to the Forbidden City when I was there.
Taken at Tian An Men. I was there at 9am and there was already a huge crowd. We inched our way into Tian An Men to purchase tickets. I forgot how much the ticket was already but I remembered that we finished touring it at 4pm! That was like 7 hours spent in the Forbidden City. Of course some people can finish touring the whole place in maybe 1-2 hours but since I was there and I don't know when I will be there again, I took my time to visit all the mini exhibitions, look at all the artifacts and visit all the chambers. Unfortunately, parts of the palace was closed for renovation at that time. I think they are renovating for Olympics.

There are always people who said that the palace was renovated, it is no longer original.. blah blah blah... but hey, if they didn't do any maintanence work on it, the whole palace would have collapsed by now and we wouldn't be able to see a single thing. I'd rather have this maintained palace than nothing at all. Anyway, the palace was burnt down a few times in Qing dynasty and was rebuilt quite a few times so it doesn't make such a diff.

Conclusion, I think adequate maintainence renovation is needed for such historical sites to prevent it from corroding.

That said, let's move on to the next photo.

The imperial court, Tai He Dian. That was where the emperor sits. Yes, the one you see in Huan Zhu Ge Ge. May is crazy for Huan Zhu Ge Ge lor... What's the big deal? May, you can imagine yourself to be emperor and sit at that gold dragon chair.

Digression: I went to this opera equipment shop in Beijing and saw that they sell those huan zhu ge ge shoes. I wanted to buy at that time because they looked so cute! But eventually I didn't buy cuz I don't have much use to it. Now I regretted because they are so cute. I think I will get a pair when I go to GZ.

Zhen Fei Well. The story goes that Zhen fei was the emperor's favourite concubine but Ci Xi didn't like Zhen Fei. So she threw her into this well when the emperor was not around. The well look so small. That is because later on people changed it to be like this.

There was a photo of Zhen Fei in the palace mini exhibition hall. She is a little plump but sweet looking lor.

Cixi's summer palace. We went there on another day and it was big~ Very big.. I thought that we can maybe visit this palace for half a day then move on for shopping or what. In the end we spent another whole day there.

View from the top of Cixi's resort. There is this big resort thingy on top of a hill overlooking the lake below. We went boating on this lake, it was fun! I got a chance to manouveur the boat, it was the first time I did something like that and I liked it.

Me overlooking at another side of the summer palace. There was this small suzhou town inside which they built copying a street in Suzhou. I also made my first stone stamp here too. I think it was SGD28 only for 2. 1 with my surname and the other with my name engraved. It was nice. I started stamping all my letters to my penpals with this stamp. :)

Shopping day! Never forget to go Wang Fu Jing if you are in Beijing. It is like what orchard means to Singapore. There isn't much to buy there but I went there for lunch sometimes. The food are nice and cheap even in the restaurants. The clothes there however are expensive. They are of the same price as SG. I don't know why but anyway I didn't buy any clothes.

There was an alley in Wang fu Jing where there are various small food stalls and accessories stalls. I bought some accessories there and they are very cheap. The food was nice too. It is something like the food street in chinatown. And in this Wang Fu Jing food street, there is a 'shophouse' with a wide balcony. We took a seat in front of this balcony because there will be opera peformance. It is a very local sort of thing to eat and watch the performance. The wide balcony was very old and the actors did not put on anything glamourous. Just a simple costume and they just sing most of the time. Can't afford to do those fancy martial arts on this old balcony can you?

BTW, when we were there, the locals started chatting with me and my friend. Maybe because my friend is a caucasian so they are interested to talk, I don't know. They keep guessing that I am from some other parts of china and were very surprised when I told them I am Singaporean. To them, Singaporeans cannot speak chinese. Weird. Most of the time, my friend just sit there bewildered, couldn't understand a word we said.
我站在柳絮扎眼寂寞胡同... Heard of this song before? By Tank and Selina.. You might wander what is a 胡同. That is in the photo above, a small alley among those old traditional chinese houses.

There are lots and lots of hu tongs in Beijing but unfortunately they are disappearing fast because of development. The opera shops that I mentioned were in on of these hutongs. There was a row of hutong selling opera stuff. Anything about opera you want to buy, they have it and they are of GOOD quality. A bit ex tho for those prime qualtiy ones.
Last but not least, the GREAT WALL OF CHINA! Tell me about it man.. Tell me that it's not original blah blah blah..

Like I said, it is absolutely neccessary to reconstruct the great wall else it will be reduced to nothing in another 10 years. I went to the Mu Tian Yu great wall instead of the famous Ba Da Ling because there are few tourists in Mu Tian Yu. However, Mu Tian Yu is a little further than Ba Da Ling. You can imagine our taxi fares. RMB300 to take us there and back. That is SGD60. The great wall is an hour's drive away from the city of Beijing. Quite far away and you cant get there unless you find some agency with a tourist bus. My white friend is very 'gu mo' and the idea of taking a bus with other peopl around doesn't appeal. So yea, we paid for the cab to take us there and back.

The great wall was indeed very spectacular~ We decided to climb our way up instead of taking the cable car. It was super tiring but worth it as you can slowly see great wall appearing in front of you. I was very excited when I caught a glimpse of it. Magnificent.

The air was fresher here. Beijing is a VERY VERY VERY polluted city and the air at Mu Tian Yu was so so much fresher and sweeter. The wind was very cooling too as we were on top of a hill. After visiting Mu Tian Yu, we took a go-cart to glide down the hill.

Overall, I enjoyed my trip there very very much.. I hope to go there again.. any takers? anyone interested?

Pek Cek

I am in a pretty bad mood recently. So bad mood that I wish I am dead! So ultimately sian.

ULTIMATE SIAN is what?

1) Pimples are again harvesting themselves on my face. Again.. and again.. and again... and again... When the hell is it going to stop? One appeared on my left cheek, on on my right cheek and one on my forehead! To hell with these pimples! Everytime a pimple appear on my face, it is bound to leave footprints behind and that is what I hate most because it takes an ENORMOUS amount of time for them to fade. If the pimples condition is not going anywhere better, I am going to see a skin doctor. Pek cek.

2) My hair got cut shorter than what I wanted. Well, I actually wanted to cut of the part where I dyed before and shorten my fringe. As all of you guys know my butt length hair is so super long so I can't really see the hairdresser cutting it. She did held up to show me how much she gonna cut and I thought it looks fine. After the haircut then I realised that my butt-length hair is now waist length hair. To normal people like my colleagues and friends, they felt that my hair length looked the same. My father told me I look as if I didn't went to the hair dresser at all. But.. but it DOES makes a difference. Anyway, I have got waist length hair now instead of butt length.

Also, the person who cut my hair didn't layer it the way I wanted so I went to another hairdresser yesterday to layer it. Fortunately, this hairdresser is not ex. She exclaimed,"Your hair is soooo long." I replied,"I consider this as short hair already." -_-"

Then I repeatedly and repeatedly and repeatedly tell her not to shorten my hair any further. Just layer it. Don't do anything else. Think she very stress so she cut bit by bit and showed me the progress.

I think it will take about 5 months to get back the length I think is good. Sian and pekcek like hell. Fortunately now don't have performance.

Looking on the bright side, I do think I look much more chic and modern now. Butt-length hair looks a bit too heavy and auntie-ish and many people commented my hair looks good.

3) There has been some bastards making noise at my void deck for the past 2 nights. GOD DAMN THOSE BASTARDS AND BITCHES! They are sec school kids and I guess that they are having holidays now and they are creating such a din at my void deck at night!!! I wish they will fail their exams badly and then they will go commit suicide. Or they fall on the MRT tracks while waiting for MRT. Or the lift suddenly move upwards when they are halfway into it.

I am good at cursing right? Hah.

They created a din at our void deck until 3am! I was so pissed off because they woke me up. Not only that. They played catching on our corridor!! Who the hell play catching at 3am??? At around 1am, they were playing ping pong at the void deck and I went to complain at the security to make him chase them away. They kept quiet for awhile and I managed to fall asleep then they started playing catching on the corridors at 3am which woke me up again. Dammit. They should die a horrible death.

This morning, I went to the guard house to make another complain and ask for their phone numbers. There was another man there making the same complain. The guards told us there were 6 boys and a few girls. I took the guard's number so I can call him the next time the kids make noise.

These kids apparently has got no discipline. I don't know how their parents teach them or how the school educate them. Doesn't they know it's a weekday and people need to sleep? They don't own this whole goddamn condo ok. Their parents are such failures and if they can't teach their kids, then don't have them! Their parents should be condemned also.

All of them should just go and die. Hope they will get into a car accident or something. Maybe they should all go JB and kana robbed and murdered. Singapore don't need these kind of inconsiderate useless scums.

This just increase my HATRED for kids. I just hate kids. I just can't stand them making noise. If I have a child, I will probably beat him or her up very often and stuck a bun in his/her mouth to prevent them from crying. Kids.. there shouldn't be kids in this world because they are such a NUISANCE! Hate them!

Please don't leave comments and say that I was a kid once because I don't run around void decks at 3am at that age. I was not so inconsiderate and brainless.

I am starting to hate this world more and more. I just wish that I am dead.

Stacko

When my father laid down on the mattress TV, he will somtimes put a pillow on his head to shield the lights from his eyes. One day my mother decided to stack up more pillows on top his original pillows. It was a challenge to find out how many pillows can be stacked on top of each other without falling.

The results was quite an amazing number of 4~!



Just another boliao episode that happened at home.

Pyjamas Party

On 27 Oct, Saturday, I have got nothing else to do so Lock asked me to join his pyjamas party at AMK Hub organised by his gym. The condition of bringing me there is that I have to lend him a set of pyjamas. I don't have guy's pj lor. So I lent him my sister's one! hahaha.. It was red colour and he looked like a big red angbao.

Surprisingly, there were quite alot of people at the party. Most people wear normal clothes like t-shirts and shorts but there are some particpants wearing cute pjs. There were some mini games in the party like throw darts and mini golf but I suck at all those. I have never thrown darts or played golf before so heck lah.

Later on someone approach us to take part in the most well-dressed participant. Lock wanted to participate so I joined too. I thought it was nothing but later on we, the participants, were asked to go on stage to do catwalk in our own way. I dunno how to do catwalk lor, I only know how to do the Huadan yuan chang. So stupid la. hahaha.. So I was thinking how to walk while the host was talking. Some of the shy participants just walk normally. One did a stupid dance and Lock did a super funny boliao dance. When it was my turn I just walk like a 38 lor. I think I am rather 38 in real life mah, so I just do my usual 38 pattern.

Of cuz I didn't win la, I didn't wear any peculiar pyjamas. Lock didn't win too although he is bald. Instead, 2 aunties wear hair curlers on their heads win and another girl wearing pink dress win a consolation prize. Anyway I got a gym bag for participating. At least something la.

At the end of the party, we were expecting to win some lucky draw prizes but we didn't. What the hell. I never seems to win lucky draws.

Oh yah, I must mention the food provided was quite good but we were too full to eat anything.



Us in our pj~

The League of Siao Kias

Once upon a time, there was a league of siao kias graduated from NYP (except for 1, he was a prince, lol). They graduated from NYP Diploma in Digital Media Design and because of the nature of this course, they were brainwashed to be siao kias.

Some names in the league: Henry, Lock, Vincent, David, Sumi etc.

After we graduated from NYP, somtimes we will hang out at Marina Square. Even though I don't drink at that time, I will join them for their drinking session. They often buy beers and drink at Millenia Walk. Kind of miss those days. I think I was happier at those times.

Unfortunately, the league is now broken. Henry is now missing in Sabah. Lock is still around. Vincent don't know what happen, never reply sms and has got a gf already. David is now in some games company think he is too busy to come out. Sumi was missing for a few years but he came back recently.

I kind of missed Henry also, that crazy KTV freak. Maybe I will jio Lock to go Sabah visit him.

Vincent was Henry's friend, I always remember him saying that he is actually a prince in disguise. One day he will go do treatment for his hair, adjust his teeth or something and he will become a prince. Hahaha..

I went to dig out some old photos of the league. Those happier days.

It was David's bday and we went Marche at Suntec for dinner. Beer as usual was their favourite beverage. The one on the right side is Lock. Lock looked slimmer and MUCH younger. So sad right.

After dinner at Marche, Vincent went for his regular smoke. From the left, vincent, John, David and Lock. David pretending to beat up Lock.

A friendlier photo. Lock realised that he is so short in this photo. Actually Vincent, David and Henry were quite tall. Henry is the tallest. He is about 183cm I think.

Baron Strong Brew was one of their favourite beer.

David and Vincent.



I think this photo is very funny, vincent and David admiring fireworks!


Notice that me on the leftiest side! I don't know who took this photo. I was listening to Henry talking rubbish.

This HP showing off time. Hahaha... I didn't remember David using the N-Gage before leh.


The bottles of alcohol they used to drink.


David on the floor.


The left one is Sumi and the right one is Henry.

David and Henry.

Henry was my closest friend in school. He taught me how to play PS and introduced the wonderful Final Fantasy to me. I used to get stuck with FF7 and I will ask him for help. In the end, he bought me a Gameshark for one of my birthdays! Gameshark is a cheating device for PS. I can enter codes to become invincible.

I used to be a quiet and nice girl hor, but ever since I mix around with this league of siao kias, I got influenced! I often say stupid things and do stupid things. .even until now~

So 'huai nian' those days. I showed the photos to Lock. He also very huai nian those days.