Real me is....?

My life is a roller coaster. There has been so much ups and downs, so much misery and happiness at the same time! Even my face is a roller coaster. It heals sometimes then it will go all the way down giving my so much frustration.

I think I am a really crazy woman. I did so many crazy things... crazy as in a Singaporean term. Actually many europeans or westerners did crazier things than me. I envy them! They have so much courage and enthusiasm. Being a Chinese and being borned in Singapore, we are not encouraged to take such risks or do something really crazy. My act of giving up a permanent job with a stable income to venture out a business like this with Nick was not really encouraged by a lot of people.

Even my opera hobby wasn't encouraged by many people that are not in the opera circle.

This entry is a bit.... complicated because I am just writing out what is in my mind and there are quite a few things all jumbled up in there.

Then I have Amai telling me that I am different from my blog. LOL. Like in my blog, I talk like this but the real me doesn't talk like this... They find me more pleasant personally and I am nasty in my blog.

Heh heh.... I was wondering why is that so, so I interview May since she read my blog since Day 1.

She told me that I am exactly the way I am as my blog. She said that she can even imagine my expression, my tone and my gestures when she read my words here.

I don't know. Maybe there are many sides of me? Or maybe I talk to different people differently. Hahahaha... I talk the way my friend does. As in if my friend is a gossiper, I will gossip with her. If she is nice and polite then I will do the same. If she is a KP queen like May then I will KP too. If she is very boliao and fei then I will do the same.

I think I am like this.

Therefore, when I write in my blog in the past, I always imagine I am talking to people like May and YH, the very direct and kp type of friend. Our daily conversation can be like this:

May: Miko Huang
MK: What?
May: What are you doing? (In a very stern tone)
MK: Sleeping lah, wah lau eah.. what you want
May: No lah (high pitched) Just want to ask you if you going to ang house tomorrow.
MK: Fei Hua right...
May: How I know, you ki siao one mah.. anyway I assign you the job to buy clams.
MK: What the hell. Why should I.. I don't even eat clams.
May: Cuz ur house got sheng siong and you live near to ang.
MK: Shit
May: And you BETTER go sheng siong earlier to buy if not all sold out.
MK: yah lah!! You all damn mah fan lor.
May: Ok lah bye!

Then when I went to ang house, people ask me where is May... my reply was,"Dead already.."

Likewise when someone ask YH or may where am I, she and May will sometimes also say I am dead already.

Very direct, very rude to some people. Those who dunno us will say that I am very mean to say that May is dead but it is actually quite normal for us.

I will also say things like.. "Look at my face... I dun give a damn.." to her. HAhaha.. or something like this..

MK: May teng want to eat dinner after class or not.
May: Dun want.
MK: Go and die lah.
May: I dun want to die lor.

Then the conversation will go on about how she need to feed her 2 kids and how she need to earn money etc and that she cannot die.

Very mean.. but.. very funny mah! Then to some people I cannot talk like this.. You know, people like... erm... Tian.. or QY... I can't say .. "dun want to eat diner with me then go and die lor."

They will be so damn pissed off and maybe they will hate me forever.

So yah, after some analysis. I now know why Amai says that I am different from my blog liao.